Ramanjaneya Samvadam

Heres a Hilarious satirical piece I found at a forum (credits to Balunand). [Link]

Obviously, with all the Setusamudram controversy going on and with Rama's educational qualifications being questioned, its time for an answer from Ram. Which college did he study in. Well, heres his answer.

A BRIDGE TOO FAR

The Lord surveyed the Ram Setu and said "Hanuman, how diligently and strenuously you and your boys had built this bridge several centuries back. It is remarkable that it has withstood the ravages of the climatic and geographical changes over centuries. It is indeed an amazing feat especially considering the fact that a bridge at Hyderabad built by Gammon using latest technology collapsed the other day even before they could stick the posters on its pillars."

Hanuman with all humility spoke "Jai Sri Ram, it is all because of your grace. We just scribbled your name on the bricks and threw them in the sea and they held. No steel from TISCO or cement from Ambuja or ACC was ever used. But Lord, why rake up the old issue now."

Ram spoke "Well, Hanuman some people down there want to demolish the bridge and construct a canal. The contract involves lot of money and lot of money will be made. They will make money on demolition and make more money on construction "

Hanuman humbly bowed down and said "Why not we go down and present our case?"

Ram said "Times have changed since we were down there. History they say is only what is written in paper that can be carbon dated and counter-signed by a notary public from a western country of that time. Poetries are not good history anymore. They will ask us to submit age proof. We neither have a birth certificate nor school leaving certificate, and since we travelled mainly on foot and some times on your shoulders and in carts we don't have a driving license either. As far as the address proof is concerned the fact that I was born at Ayodhya is itself under litigation for over half a century. if I go in a traditional attire with bow and arrow, the ordinary folks may recognize me but Arjun Singh may take me to be some tribal and, at the most, offer a seat at IIT under the reserved category. Also, a God cannot walk in dressed in a three-piece suit and announce his arrival. It would make even the devotees suspicious. So it is a dilemma, so to say."

Hanuman said "I can vouch for you by saying that I was present personally when Neela built the bridge."

"My dear, Anjanaputra, it will not work. First of all neither of you are qualified engineers with a degree certificate from a recognized university. Then they will ask you to produce the lay-out plan, the project details, including financial outlay and how the project cost was met and the completion certificate. Nothing is accepted these days without documentary evidence in India. You may cough but unless a doctor certifies it, you have no cough. A pensioner may present himself personally but the authorities do not take it as proof. He has to produce a life-certificate to prove that he is alive. It is that complicated."

"Lord, I can't understand these historians. Hasn’t Valmikiji given an accurate description of the planetary positions when you, Lakshmanbhai, Bharathbhai and Shatrughnabhai were born? Every major event of your life has been described with reference to astronomical positions. What about the geography of India of our times? We never saw the desert in Rajasthan and the Saraswati and Drishadwati were in full flow then. Yamuna was flowing west and Sutlej to the east then. Valmikiji has mentioned all these. Can’t the present day chaps work with their softwares and satellite pictures and verify them? Over the years you have given darshan once in a while to saints like Surdas, Tulsidas, Saint Thyagaraja, Jayadeva, Bhadrachala Ramdas and even Sant Tukaram and still they disbelieve your existence and say Ramayana is a myth.

“Well”, said the Lord, What Surdas and others saw has been dismissed as hallucinations and those astronomical and geological data, I believe, are only later day insertions in Valmikiji’s fiction by some mischievous Brahmins who somehow became smart enough to calculate the positions backward by sheer imagination.

Hanuman said, The only option, I see, is to re-enact Ramayana on earth and set the government records straight once for all."

Lord smiled "It isn't that easy today, Hanumat. Ravan is apprehensive that he may look like a saint in front of Karunanidhi. I also spoke to his Mama Mareecha, who appeared as a golden deer to tempt Sita Maiyya when I was in the forest and he said that he won't take a chance of stepping on earth as long as Salman Khan is around."